On January 7, the New England Patriots released a "hype video," as they called it, themed around the trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. The idea is to get Pats fans pumped up for the playoffs, as though Pats fans didn't already exist in a perpetual state of slavering, feverish idol-worship toward their team... Continue Reading →
NOTE: In case you weren't tipped off by the title, this post has a lot of sex words in it. I say "dick" eight times, "penis" four times, and "pussy" twice, in addition to my usual swearing. If you don't like sex words, read something else. Earlier this week, I came across an article entitled... Continue Reading →
So like a month ago (because I am lazy and haven't gotten around to writing this), the Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage is legal nationwide because any laws preventing it are inherently unconstitutional under the 14th Amendment, which guarantees equal protection under the law to everyone. Liberals applauded the move because duh, and conservatives... Continue Reading →
Ever been to the website Elite Daily? If you haven't, don't bother. Home of such journalistic masterpieces as "Zayn Malik Isn't Worried About Leaving One Direction Because His Fiance Is Hot As F*ck" and "Man Given 18 Months To Live Says Cannabis Oil Cured His Cancer," it's a long-running stream of feel-good drivel that's generally... Continue Reading →
First things first: I know this song came out a long time ago. I'd love to tell you that the reason I have taken this long to address it is that I wanted to be very careful and deliberate about how I broke down exactly what is wrong with the song and its message. Unfortunately,... Continue Reading →
This has come up before and never gotten a ton of mainstream attention, but I saw it again and thought I'd address it. WHAT IS IT? Breaking news: the Sun is really freaking bright. Like you cannot believe. In ideal conditions, the Sun is shining roughly 1050 watts on each and every square meter of ground.... Continue Reading →
I have long held a theory about cats: for all their potential for grace, power, stealth, and general elegance, they sometimes genuinely do not have any control over their own bodies. Case in point: It's possible that this cat was playing G.I. Joe and wanted to do a combat roll off the couch, but that's... Continue Reading →
QUICK NOTE: I wrote the bulk of this post almost a year ago, but it got lost in the shuffle and I didn't finish it until just now. I realize the news item in question is long gone, but the points still stand. Recently, American Eagle made some headlines by announcing that their lingerie line, Aerie,... Continue Reading →
Recently there was a schism on the internet between people about the color of a dress. That led to all kinds of scientific articles about how we perceive color differently, memes about white and gold things and black and blue things, and finally, eventually, this. That is from an article on LinkedIn, written by a woman... Continue Reading →
If you've never seen Vertical Limit, good for you. If you've never even heard of it, even better. It came out in 2000 and somehow made $215 million on a budget of just $75 million, despite being a train wreck of scarcely believable proportions. It is, without a doubt, the worst climbing movie ever made,... Continue Reading →
Doubtless there are some among you who are already mad at me for being so rude to this innocent woman in my title. First of all, it's paraphrased from the atrocious article on which I based this post, and secondly, get over it. She deserves it. You'll see. Earlier this week, a friend of mine... Continue Reading →
Obviously the classic song ends that phrase with “your dreams come true.” Then, as I’m sure you’ve seen, some smartass decided to put a modern and more cynical spin on the phrase with some iteration of the following: Unfortunately, that smartass was also a dumbass. Here’s why. First of all, the phrase “you’re a few... Continue Reading →
A while ago, a friend sent me a joke that her British friends had been circulating around Facebook entitled "A Message from the Queen." It starts like this: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II: In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates... Continue Reading →
UPDATE: I came back in this morning and elaborated. I was being pretty lazy with explaining the math when I wrote this, but I've expanded it a bit. This is where I find a thing on Kickstarter that someone is raising money for, then I point out that it won't work, then hundreds and thousands... Continue Reading →
As I'm pretty sure everyone on the internet knows by now, Bill Nye recently had a debate with Ken Ham about whether creationism was a viable explanation for the origins of people and animals and plants and rocks and stars and stuff. I'll cut to the chase: it's not. Creationism doesn't have any science behind... Continue Reading →
