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Posted on April 9, 2016November 8, 2017

BATMAN V. SUPERMAN IS BAD. THIS IS NOT WHY.

Last week, I went to see Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. It is not a good movie. The first two hours and fifteen minutes are a series of disjointed…

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Posted on January 30, 2016January 29, 2016

2 SUPER BOWL MYTHS THAT WON’T DIE

As you probably know, the Super Bowl is next week. This is the part where those of you that didn’t know that scroll all the way to the bottom of this post…

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Posted on January 15, 2016November 8, 2017

THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS’ STAR WARS VIDEO IS FUCKING STUPID

On January 7, the New England Patriots released a “hype video,” as they called it, themed around the trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. The idea is to get…

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Posted on January 1, 2016November 8, 2017

LET’S TALK ABOUT BLOWJOBS

NOTE: In case you weren’t tipped off by the title, this post has a lot of sex words in it. I say “dick” eight times, “penis” four times, and “pussy”…

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Posted on July 27, 2015November 8, 2017

13 STUPID PEOPLE SAY STUPID THINGS ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE

So like a month ago (because I am lazy and haven’t gotten around to writing this), the Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage is legal nationwide because any laws preventing…

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Posted on April 20, 2015November 8, 2017

THREE REASONS THIS ROCKET WON’T SEND US TO MARS

Ever been to the website Elite Daily?  If you haven’t, don’t bother.  Home of such journalistic masterpieces as “Zayn Malik Isn’t Worried About Leaving One Direction Because His Fiance Is…

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Posted on April 11, 2015November 8, 2017

WHY I AM NOT ALL ABOUT “ALL ABOUT THAT BASS”

First things first: I know this song came out a long time ago.  I’d love to tell you that the reason I have taken this long to address it is…

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Posted on April 4, 2015November 8, 2017

SPACE-BASED SOLAR POWER: DON’T GET TOO EXCITED

This has come up before and never gotten a ton of mainstream attention, but I saw it again and thought I’d address it.

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Posted on March 21, 2015November 8, 2017

WHY CATS KICK THEMSELVES IN THE FACE

I have long held a theory about cats: for all their potential for grace, power, stealth, and general elegance, they sometimes genuinely do not have any control over their own…

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Posted on March 14, 2015March 17, 2015

APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE AREN’T FAT ENOUGH

QUICK NOTE: I wrote the bulk of this post almost a year ago, but it got lost in the shuffle and I didn’t finish it until just now.  I realize the…

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Posted on March 3, 2015May 12, 2016

YOU ARE NOT A TETRACHROMAT, AND THIS GRAPHIC IS BULLSHIT

Recently there was a schism on the internet between people about the color of a dress.  That led to all kinds of scientific articles about how we perceive color differently, memes…

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Posted on December 8, 2014February 23, 2015

I WATCHED “VERTICAL LIMIT” (AGAIN) SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO

If you’ve never seen Vertical Limit, good for you.  If you’ve never even heard of it, even better.  It came out in 2000 and somehow made $215 million on a…

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Posted on May 24, 2014May 20, 2014

CAROLE R. DAVIS NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

Doubtless there are some among you who are already mad at me for being so rude to this innocent woman in my title.  First of all, it’s paraphrased from the…

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Posted on May 17, 2014March 17, 2015

WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR…

Obviously the classic song ends that phrase with “your dreams come true.” Then, as I’m sure you’ve seen, some smartass decided to put a modern and more cynical spin on…

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Posted on March 1, 2014March 1, 2014

EAT IT, BRITAIN

A while ago, a friend sent me a joke that her British friends had been circulating around Facebook entitled “A Message from the Queen.”  It starts like this: To the…

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