BATMAN V. SUPERMAN IS BAD. THIS IS NOT WHY.
Last week, I went to see Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. It is not a good movie. The first two hours and fifteen minutes are a series of disjointed…
2 SUPER BOWL MYTHS THAT WON’T DIE
As you probably know, the Super Bowl is next week. This is the part where those of you that didn’t know that scroll all the way to the bottom of this post…
THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS’ STAR WARS VIDEO IS FUCKING STUPID
On January 7, the New England Patriots released a “hype video,” as they called it, themed around the trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. The idea is to get…
LET’S TALK ABOUT BLOWJOBS
NOTE: In case you weren’t tipped off by the title, this post has a lot of sex words in it. I say “dick” eight times, “penis” four times, and “pussy”…
13 STUPID PEOPLE SAY STUPID THINGS ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE
So like a month ago (because I am lazy and haven’t gotten around to writing this), the Supreme Court ruled that gay marriage is legal nationwide because any laws preventing…
THREE REASONS THIS ROCKET WON’T SEND US TO MARS
Ever been to the website Elite Daily? If you haven’t, don’t bother. Home of such journalistic masterpieces as “Zayn Malik Isn’t Worried About Leaving One Direction Because His Fiance Is…
WHY I AM NOT ALL ABOUT “ALL ABOUT THAT BASS”
First things first: I know this song came out a long time ago. I’d love to tell you that the reason I have taken this long to address it is…
SPACE-BASED SOLAR POWER: DON’T GET TOO EXCITED
This has come up before and never gotten a ton of mainstream attention, but I saw it again and thought I’d address it.
WHY CATS KICK THEMSELVES IN THE FACE
I have long held a theory about cats: for all their potential for grace, power, stealth, and general elegance, they sometimes genuinely do not have any control over their own…
APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE AREN’T FAT ENOUGH
QUICK NOTE: I wrote the bulk of this post almost a year ago, but it got lost in the shuffle and I didn’t finish it until just now. I realize the…
YOU ARE NOT A TETRACHROMAT, AND THIS GRAPHIC IS BULLSHIT
Recently there was a schism on the internet between people about the color of a dress. That led to all kinds of scientific articles about how we perceive color differently, memes…
I WATCHED “VERTICAL LIMIT” (AGAIN) SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO
If you’ve never seen Vertical Limit, good for you. If you’ve never even heard of it, even better. It came out in 2000 and somehow made $215 million on a…
CAROLE R. DAVIS NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
Doubtless there are some among you who are already mad at me for being so rude to this innocent woman in my title. First of all, it’s paraphrased from the…
WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR…
Obviously the classic song ends that phrase with “your dreams come true.” Then, as I’m sure you’ve seen, some smartass decided to put a modern and more cynical spin on…
EAT IT, BRITAIN
A while ago, a friend sent me a joke that her British friends had been circulating around Facebook entitled “A Message from the Queen.” It starts like this: To the…
Unreasonably Dangerous Onion Rings 