COULD THIS BE THE WORLD’S FIRST NUCLEAR-POWERED AIRLINER? (NO.)

On January 5, 2011, I wrote the following:

“Designer” is a dangerous term, because it usually means some crazy person with ridiculous ideas who then makes CAD drawings or actual mock-ups of his crazy ideas and yet, for some goddamn reason, I appear to be the only person to notice that said idea is crazy.

That was 65 months ago, and it still holds true. “Designers” with no actual science knowledge or reality filter of any kind are the bread and butter of this blog, whether it’s a transparent toaster or a whole bunch of bullshit cooking tools or a pedal-powered submarine or magnetic roads or a rocket that doesn’t exist or a redesigned bicycle or concept cars or a fridge that tramples every law of physics it comes across like a hormonal bull in a sexy china shop. And that’s like a third of the total posts under my “design” category.

But people take these seriously. People write newspaper articles breathlessly extolling the virtues of a moon elevator or solar panels in space or a rocket that will take us to Alpha Centauri, powered only by kale, even though the crackpot that thought it up has no qualifications other than being able to make pretty 3D renderings on his computer.

And that brings us to this.

BBC_-_Future_-_Could_this_be_the_first_nuclear-powered_airliner_

There’s an old adage that any headline that ends in a question mark can be answered with a “no.” That’s not going to change here. Let’s dive in.

Continue reading

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4 REASONS SOLAR ROADWAYS ARE FUCKING STUPID

The idea of solar roadways has been around for a while, and I haven’t said anything about it because I thought it was self-evident how stupid it was. I was wrong. The Indiegogo page raised $2.2 million and recently, prototypes have been built, to much applause from the environmentally-minded. So now, instead of just being a moronic idea, this is a moronic idea that a lot of people are giving a lot of money to. And since I am sick and tired of the collective societal delusion surrounding this FLAMING GARBAGE PILE OF AN IDEA, I’ve decided to point out the myriad flaws with it.

Solar_Roadway_panels_only_1_580_435 Continue reading

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BATMAN V. SUPERMAN IS BAD. THIS IS NOT WHY.

Last week, I went to see Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. It is not a good movie. The first two hours and fifteen minutes are a series of disjointed scenes, at least four or five dream sequences, total non-sequiturs, and forced conflicts. The movie is called Batman v Superman, but there’s really no good reason for either Batman or Superman to be pissed at each other. Then there’s a final fight scene, then a few minutes of setting up for the upcoming Justice League set of movies that DC hope will help them climb out of the shadow of Marvel.

1 - cast photo

Because in the last ten years or so, Marvel has put out Iron Man, Thor, The Incredible Hulk, Captain America, the Avengers, Guardians of the Galaxy, Ant-Man, the new X-Men movies, a few Spider-Man movies, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Agent Carter, Jessica Jones, and Daredevil, as well as probably some more I forgot about. DC has the Nolan Batman trilogy, plus The Flash and Arrow are doing ok.

Anyway, this post is not about how the movie sucked. This post is about how the analysis of Tamara White, a writer at xoJane, sucks. Spoilers ahead. Continue reading

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2 SUPER BOWL MYTHS THAT WON’T DIE

As you probably know, the Super Bowl is next week. This is the part where those of you that didn’t know that scroll all the way to the bottom of this post to explain to me that you don’t care about football, and how it’s VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU that I know that you don’t care about football, so take a moment to do that. Back? Excellent.

Two years ago, I wrote about how Cosmopolitan magazine had taken a break from giving awful advice on dating, sex, fashion, food, and so on to give awful advice on how to be a woman at Super Bowl time. Feel free to peruse that link, it’s all still relevant except that the teams have changed.

This year, I’ve decided to write about two myths surrounding the Super Bowl and the people who watch it that somehow, despite never having actually been true, continue to resurface around this time of year. Continue reading

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THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS’ STAR WARS VIDEO IS FUCKING STUPID

On January 7, the New England Patriots released a “hype video,” as they called it, themed around the trailer for Star Wars: The Force Awakens. The idea is to get Pats fans pumped up for the playoffs, as though Pats fans didn’t already exist in a perpetual state of slavering, feverish idol-worship toward their team and their quarterback. The problem is that whoever made this video either hasn’t seen the new Star Wars movie or has no idea how their team is perceived by everyone other NFL fanbase in the country, resulting in an extraordinarily shitty metaphor. If you haven’t seen Star Wars, I might give some stuff away here, so heads up. Let’s break this thing down. Continue reading

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