Back in October, a group of evangelical Christians in Brazil called the Paz do Senhor Amado (Peace of the Beloved Lord) banned the use of USB connections because they're Satanic. And what makes them Satanic? Because the logo looks like a pitchfork (or trident, if you prefer), an implement commonly used by the devil in Christian... Continue Reading →
SUCH LEVELS OF INCOMPETENCE I HAVE SCARCE WITNESSED
This one time, and by this one time I mean Monday, April 11, 2011, I wrote a piece about how Joshua Kors has roughly the same computer literacy as a brick, if that brick was also bad with computers. But today, I found someone who tops him. The person in question is named Monika Runstrom,... Continue Reading →
THE TWO MOST HORRIFYING PIECES OF TECHNOLOGY EVER CREATED
Japan has a problem. And I'm not referring to their propensity for putting literally anything in vending machines, or their seemingly endless supply of anime tentacle rape porn (click here if you don't believe me, but you've been warned). I'm referring to old people. You see, Japanese people retire at 60, but have a life... Continue Reading →
FACEBOOK: ENEMY OF JESUS
This is the Reverend Cedric Miller. He is one of the leaders of the Living Word Christian Fellowship, and he hates Facebook. So much, in fact that he's telling all the other church leaders to cancel their Facebook accounts or resign from the church. Why? Because it promotes marital infidelity. You see, Cedric provides marriage... Continue Reading →
YOU PROBABLY JUST SHOULDN’T BUY A COMPUTER AT ALL…
A man named Joshua Kors wrote an article in the Huffington Post. It's called "Why I'm Returning My iMac." It turns out that the reason is that he's a slobbering moron. Let's journey through his reasoning. Turns out there's a video camera embedded in the screen, and before I could boot her up for the... Continue Reading →
BECAUSE I’M A PERSON TOO
Ok underlings, pay attention. I'm not a great person. In fact, many of my friends would tell you that I'm kind of an asshole. I own stuff I don't need, I rarely tip anyone who works behind a counter, and I have a hickey right now from a girl whose name I'm pretty sure I... Continue Reading →
SOMETHING ELSE YOU’RE PROBABLY WRONG ABOUT
It's a safe assumption that everyone reading this has a cell phone. But what if that cell phone IS TRYING TO KILL YOU? Now, I should warn you right now that this post is going to use (goddamn) science. I will explain it in terms that an Art History major could understand, so you should all... Continue Reading →
