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Category: Food

Posted on June 10, 2020August 9, 2021

6 FOODS YOU’RE COOKING WRONG

I was poking around the internet, as one does, when I ran across an article entitled “Nine Ways You’re Cooking Pasta Wrong.” That seemed like a lot of ways to mess up a dish that’s often prepared by broke bachelors, so I was intrigued.

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Posted on May 24, 2014May 20, 2014

CAROLE R. DAVIS NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

Doubtless there are some among you who are already mad at me for being so rude to this innocent woman in my title.  First of all, it’s paraphrased from the…

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Posted on February 1, 2014February 5, 2014

THE TRANSPARENT TOASTER

A little over 18 months ago, this baffling object popped up on Memebase, well known for contributing nothing of value to the Internet ever. The caption that they gave for…

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Posted on July 14, 2013January 25, 2014

18 REASONS WHY I AM WRONG: A RESPONSE

Two weeks ago, in my triumphant return to writing, as I am determined to keep calling it, I wrote a piece called Six Reasons You Shouldn’t Take Dietary Advice From Cavemen.…

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Posted on June 23, 2013January 25, 2014

SIX REASONS YOU SHOULDN’T TAKE DIETARY ADVICE FROM CAVEMEN

EDIT: I’ve written a followup to this post here. Today, to kick off my triumphant return to writing, we’re going to talk about the so-called “paleo” diet.  At least four people…

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Posted on January 27, 2012January 25, 2014

PIZZA ≠ VEGETABLE

Back in November, Congress declared that pizza was a vegetable in a funding bill that addressed subsidization of school lunches.  A rider to the bill stipulated that ice cream counts…

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Posted on November 14, 2011January 25, 2014

THE SEEDS OF JESUS. IN YOUR MOUTH.

I would like you to look at this product and tell me what it looks like to you.  Ready? Did you say that it’s candy corn?  You silly, irreverent, blasphemous…

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Posted on August 12, 2011January 25, 2014

IN WHICH SOMEONE GETS VERY UPSET OVER A CHOCOLATE PENIS

This is Elizabeth McClure. She is approximately as little fun to be around as a person can be.  Now I haven’t met Elizabeth, so I’m just guessing, but here’s why.…

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Posted on May 23, 2011January 25, 2014

PETA: PURVEYORS OF EXCESSIVE TITS AND ASSES

You remember PETA, yes?  They’re the subjects of probably the angriest two posts I’ve written in almost two years of running this blog.  I called them the most vicious hypocrisy…

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Posted on May 20, 2011January 25, 2014

NUMBER ONE THREAT TO AMERICA: MORE COFFEE

Earlier this month, Starbucks released the Trenta in stores across the country.  The Trenta is a 31-ounce cup of coffee, only for use in their iced drinks.  They’ve been testing…

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Posted on April 25, 2011January 26, 2014

THREE PRODUCTS TO ANNOUNCE TO THE WORLD THAT YOU’VE GIVEN UP

You’re getting older.  Gone are the gallivanting days of being single, the one night stands, the keg stands, the ability to take 15 shots in a night and still function…

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Posted on January 1, 2011January 27, 2014

THE MOST VICIOUS HYPOCRISY SINCE THE CATHOLIC CHURCH (PART TWO)

So when we left off, PETA was so ferociously anti-cruelty that they had stopped paying any attention to what that actually means.  Here’s a few basic points that I started…

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Posted on December 30, 2010January 27, 2014

THE MOST VICIOUS HYPOCRISY SINCE THE CATHOLIC CHURCH (PART ONE)

I assume you’ve heard of PETA, right?  People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals?  Well this one’s been brewing for a while.  I used to think that they were overreactive,…

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