Category Archives: Design

4 REASONS SOLAR ROADWAYS ARE FUCKING STUPID

The idea of solar roadways has been around for a while, and I haven’t said anything about it because I thought it was self-evident how stupid it was. I was wrong. The Indiegogo page raised $2.2 million and recently, prototypes have been built, to much applause from the environmentally-minded. So now, instead of just being a moronic idea, this is a moronic idea that a lot of people are giving a lot of money to. And since I am sick and tired of the collective societal delusion surrounding this FLAMING GARBAGE PILE OF AN IDEA, I’ve decided to point out the myriad flaws with it.

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KICKSTARTER, MEET SCIENCE.

UPDATE: I came back in this morning and elaborated.  I was being pretty lazy with explaining the math when I wrote this, but I’ve expanded it a bit.

This is where I find a thing on Kickstarter that someone is raising money for, then I point out that it won’t work, then hundreds and thousands of people lose their money because no one listens to me anyway.  Fuck ’em, it’s their own fault.  Maybe they should become better at thinking.

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THE TRANSPARENT TOASTER

A little over 18 months ago, this baffling object popped up on Memebase, well known for contributing nothing of value to the Internet ever.

Toaster

The caption that they gave for this is “How is this not on shelves?! Toast-making would be epic.”

Let’s ignore the crushing sadness that fills my heart at the idea that someone might think that toast-making — the act of slowly heating a piece of bread until it’s hotter and drier and browner than it previously was — could ever be described as “epic” and focus on that first sentence.  How is this not on shelves?  Well, because it doesn’t exist.  Memebase doesn’t seem to have picked up on this, but hope is not lost.

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SIX REASONS WE’RE NOT GETTING A MOON ELEVATOR

A while ago, several news outlets of varying degrees of reputability reported on the intentions of a company called Liftport to build a space elevator, but not on the Earth where it’d be accessible by human beings.  They want to build one on the moon.  But first they have to figure out if it’s possible.  And before that, they have to do some stuff with balloons.  It’s complicated.  I’ll explain.

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HERE IS A STUPID IDEA THAT IS STUPID

Hey there!  You know how, each morning, you have a cup of hot coffee and then mess around on your phone, reading Facebook updates or whatever?

And you know how, every time you do that, you wish that your phone was simultaneously being charged and that your coffee was getting cold faster?

No?  What’s that?  You’re saying that your phone is already charged because it’s morning, and that you’d like your coffee to stay warm longer?  WELL THEN DO WE HAVE THE PRODUCT (not) FOR YOU!  This is called the onEPuck, made by Epiphany, because names are hard.

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