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TRANSPORTATION IDEAS THAT WON’T WORK (BECAUSE OF SCIENCE): PART 1
Eventually, there will come a day when people stop listening to “designers” with no background in physics who propose physics-based things. Until then, the word “designer” will continue to mean “dude with AutoCAD/Photoshop skills, a wild hair up his ass, and no connection to the actual world that real people…
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HOW ABOUT YOU LEARN HOW THE GODDAMN CAMERA WORKS FIRST?
Recently, I found yet another article with a title in the form of a question. Here’s a hint for all you people that read things on the internet: if someone titles an article in the form of a question, it’s not as interesting as the question would lead you to…
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MORE LIKE UNIVERSAL SATAN BUS…
Back in October, a group of evangelical Christians in Brazil called the Paz do Senhor Amado (Peace of the Beloved Lord) banned the use of USB connections because they’re Satanic. And what makes them Satanic? Because the logo looks like a pitchfork (or trident, if you prefer), an implement commonly used…
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SUCH LEVELS OF INCOMPETENCE I HAVE SCARCE WITNESSED
This one time, and by this one time I mean Monday, April 11, 2011, I wrote a piece about how Joshua Kors has roughly the same computer literacy as a brick, if that brick was also bad with computers. But today, I found someone who tops him. The person in…
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PIZZA ≠ VEGETABLE
Back in November, Congress declared that pizza was a vegetable in a funding bill that addressed subsidization of school lunches. A rider to the bill stipulated that ice cream counts as a calcium supplement and that a jar of bacon fat is now defined as a protein shake. At least…
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THINK JESUS PREACHED LOVE? THINK AGAIN.
I want to start with a word. It’s a simple word; it’s only four letters long and not at all difficult to pronounce. It’s anatomical in origin, it’s almost 800 years old, and yet it still is considered by some people to be “one of the few remaining words in…
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NO MEANS NO, EVEN IF YOU’RE JUSTIN BIEBER
“Baby” by Justin Bieber is the most watched video on Youtube. It’s been seen close to 700 million times for a collective watching time that would make you sad, so you can do the math yourself because I’m not telling you. It has garnered over seven million comments, and even…
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ATTENTION FACEBOOK VIGILANTES: SHUT THE FUCK UP
Recently a friend of mine posted this on his Facebook wall. All I did was blank out the names. “Wow,” I thought to myself, “those are both perfectly reasonable reactions to what I’m sure is a headline that has not been dramatized or blown out of proportion even a little.”…
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THE SEEDS OF JESUS. IN YOUR MOUTH.
I would like you to look at this product and tell me what it looks like to you. Ready? Did you say that it’s candy corn? You silly, irreverent, blasphemous idiot. Those right there are harvest seeds.
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UNREASONABLY DANGEROUS ONION RINGS 