WHY ARIAN FOSTER CAN’T FIGHT A WOLF

I know what you're thinking, and what you're thinking is, "What the fuck are you talking about? How did that even come into your head?" In my defense, he started it. For those out of the loop, that's former NFL running back Arian Foster — an incredibly athletic and powerful man, to be fair —... Continue Reading →

NO ONE CARES THAT YOU’RE SAD

It's over. The oath has been taken, the barrier fences will soon be broken down and put in storage, and the police will go back to their normal shifts. There are no more appeals, no more recounts, no more renegade electors who might swoop in at the 11th hour and change this whole thing. As... Continue Reading →

4 REASONS SOLAR ROADWAYS ARE FUCKING STUPID

The idea of solar roadways has been around for a while, and I haven't said anything about it because I thought it was self-evident how stupid it was. I was wrong. The Indiegogo page raised $2.2 million and recently, prototypes have been built, to much applause from the environmentally-minded. So now, instead of just being a... Continue Reading →

EAT IT, BRITAIN

A while ago, a friend sent me a joke that her British friends had been circulating around Facebook entitled "A Message from the Queen."  It starts like this: To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II: In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates... Continue Reading →

22 STUPID PEOPLE HOLDING SIGNS

As I'm pretty sure everyone on the internet knows by now, Bill Nye recently had a debate with Ken Ham about whether creationism was a viable explanation for the origins of people and animals and plants and rocks and stars and stuff.  I'll cut to the chase: it's not.  Creationism doesn't have any science behind... Continue Reading →

18 REASONS WHY I AM WRONG: A RESPONSE

Two weeks ago, in my triumphant return to writing, as I am determined to keep calling it, I wrote a piece called Six Reasons You Shouldn't Take Dietary Advice From Cavemen.  It was on my blog and I posted it to the Facebook page, anticipating the usual 300 or so pageviews. Then the post hit /r/paleo,... Continue Reading →

NUMBER ONE THREAT TO AMERICA: MORE COFFEE

Earlier this month, Starbucks released the Trenta in stores across the country.  The Trenta is a 31-ounce cup of coffee, only for use in their iced drinks.  They've been testing it since last January, and apparently it's doing well enough to implement.  The main objection that most people seem to have, and I do not... Continue Reading →

THIS ISN’T ROCKET SURGERY

First things first.  This story came from Inhabitat.  Based on the vast majority of my previous experience with Inhabitat, we can immediately assume that they don't know what the fuck they're talking about.  Second, they're talking about space and rockets, and based on my previous experience with basically any news source, no one knows what the... Continue Reading →

The Prestige

Remember The Prestige?  That awesome movie?  Remember how the phrase "the prestige" refers to when they reveal the end of the trick and it's awesome?  Well this is the answers to the quiz, so it's kinda like that.  Now I'm burning up precious words here, so I'm going to cut right to the answers.If you... Continue Reading →

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