IT DOESN’T MATTER WHETHER A FETUS IS A PERSON
Housekeeping update since it’s been a million years since I’ve written anything: I own a house now and there’s a baby on the way. I’m like a fully formed grownup.…
Category: Uncategorized
TOM BRADY IS A BEAUTIFUL IDIOT
Before I dive in, I want to get some things out of the way. First, Tom Brady is a beautiful man, or so I’m told. And you know what? I…
WHY ARIAN FOSTER CAN’T FIGHT A WOLF
Arian Foster is big, strong, and confident, but he is sadly mistaken. Let’s break it down.
NO ONE CARES THAT YOU’RE SAD
It’s over. The oath has been taken, the barrier fences will soon be broken down and put in storage, and the police will go back to their normal shifts. There…
4 REASONS SOLAR ROADWAYS ARE FUCKING STUPID
The idea of solar roadways has been around for a while, and I haven’t said anything about it because I thought it was self-evident how stupid it was. I was…
BATMAN V. SUPERMAN IS BAD. THIS IS NOT WHY.
Last week, I went to see Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. It is not a good movie. The first two hours and fifteen minutes are a series of disjointed…
YOU ARE NOT A TETRACHROMAT, AND THIS GRAPHIC IS BULLSHIT
Recently there was a schism on the internet between people about the color of a dress. That led to all kinds of scientific articles about how we perceive color differently, memes…
CAROLE R. DAVIS NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
Doubtless there are some among you who are already mad at me for being so rude to this innocent woman in my title. First of all, it’s paraphrased from the…
EAT IT, BRITAIN
A while ago, a friend sent me a joke that her British friends had been circulating around Facebook entitled “A Message from the Queen.” It starts like this: To the…
22 STUPID PEOPLE HOLDING SIGNS
As I’m pretty sure everyone on the internet knows by now, Bill Nye recently had a debate with Ken Ham about whether creationism was a viable explanation for the origins…
18 REASONS WHY I AM WRONG: A RESPONSE
Two weeks ago, in my triumphant return to writing, as I am determined to keep calling it, I wrote a piece called Six Reasons You Shouldn’t Take Dietary Advice From Cavemen.…
TRANSPORTATION IDEAS THAT WON’T WORK (BECAUSE OF SCIENCE): PART 1
Eventually, there will come a day when people stop listening to “designers” with no background in physics who propose physics-based things. Until then, the word “designer” will continue to mean…
NUMBER ONE THREAT TO AMERICA: MORE COFFEE
Earlier this month, Starbucks released the Trenta in stores across the country. The Trenta is a 31-ounce cup of coffee, only for use in their iced drinks. They’ve been testing…
THIS ISN’T ROCKET SURGERY
First things first. This story came from Inhabitat. Based on the vast majority of my previous experience with Inhabitat, we can immediately assume that they don’t know what the fuck…
Attention Women: Secretly You Don’t Want A Personality
If you’re reading this, you may be a woman. In that case, you probably want men to like you, and even if you don’t, you probably want someone to like…
Unreasonably Dangerous Onion Rings 