UNREASONABLY DANGEROUS ONION RINGS

  • Pies-In-Face Attack Roils Anarchist-Vegan World

    Funny story. I read that headline, and I tried to think of a way to rephrase it to make it more entertaining than it already is.  I failed. So there it is, exactly as it first appeared. Here’s the story. Lierre Keith is a woman who was a vegan for…

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  • Facepalm.

    A woman at the Lincoln Park Zoo got bit by a bear. All in a day’s work. Oh no! What a savage creature! It must be disciplined properly. What could she possibly have done to provoke it? Turns out she climbed over more than one barrier and stuck her fucking…

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  • This Will End Only In Tears

    Buckle yourselves in, kids. Announcing HardGrip, the first extreme rock climbing game for Wii. HOORAY EXTREMENESS!!! If you’ve ever wanted to experience the thrill of scaling sheer rock faces, but don’t want to risk things like “heights” or “sun” or “nature” or “a Cheeto-less area with no carpeting,” Human Soft…

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  • How To Fuck Your Kid Up Forever

    Allow me to paint you a picture. Close your eyes. If you just actually closed your eyes and then realized you couldn’t read through your eyelids, good for you. Anyway, imagine you’re living in central Georgia.You and your spouse are both 36 years old, and you want to buy a…

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  • Really Just Intentionally Dangerous At This Point

    I should warn you that car speak is coming. Like serious car speak. If you don’t care about cars, wait for the next post to come around. This is the 2010 Ford Mustang Shelby GT500, to give it its full title. It is a sexy, sexy beast. It normally has…

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  • Like Getting Punched In The Face With Iron(y).

    Back in January, the story broke that a Babylonian clay tablet had been examined that gave a different description of a great flood from the one in Genesis. The tablet is about 3,700 years old and is addressed to Atram Hasis. God has terrible handwriting. Apparently, the translation of the…

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  • Willfully Endangering Your Lady-Parts

    Three people have sent me this story, and far be it from me to ignore my constituents. Here’s the deal. On Saturday, March 6, a fine specimen of woman (pictured) crashed into a pickup on a Florida highway. That’s not especially unusual, considering that from my experience, Florida drivers consider…

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  • Everyone Hates Solitaire

    Especially grumpy solitaire kitty.

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  • I LAUGHED. AND DID I FEEL GUILTY? I DID NOT.

    There is a news story coming up in a minute, but first, some background information. That, as I hope you had gathered, is a mountain lion (puma concolor). It is eight feet long and weighs 200 pounds. It can climb trees, run 45 miles an hour and jump 18 feet…

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