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Another Failure Of Sympathy
You watch the news. Or maybe you don’t, but presumably you have some clue about what’s going on in the world from Facebook or something. You know that people get hurt all over the world, mostly in accidents, all the time. And often, you feel sorry for them. You shake…
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10 Brilliant Redesigns For The Bicycle (That All Suck)
Remember that post I did about concept cars? This is like that, only with bikes. The basic precept is that the bicycle was invented a long time ago. The first mechanically-powered two-wheeled bike was revealed in 1839, but the first sketch came from a pupil of Da Vinci’s in 1439.…
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Happy Fourth Of July!
Why are you reading this? Go do something useful with your life.
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A Simple "No" Would Have Sufficed . . .
Everybody loves soccer, right? Sure, some people think there aren’t enough goals and there are too many ties, and some crazy right-wingers think it’s destroying America, and some people can’t stand the sound of those FUCKING vuvuzewhateverthehellthey’recalleds, but there are more countries in FIFA than there are in the UN,…
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Parking Tickets
This is a collection of three parking-ticket-related stories, in order from bitch to badass. Enjoy. The Bitch This is Janice Eberle. I still do not understand why all these people in my stories are so ugly. She owns a Mercedes ML350 SUV and lives in Danvers, Mass. One day, she…
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This Actually Happened
Back in May, a 20-year-old girl named Brittany Cantarella hit a 50-year-old man who was trying to cross the street. She was driving a 2005 Chevy Monte Carlo and was cited for failing to yield to a pedestrian in a crosswalk. The man sustained minor facial injuries and was taken…
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I’m Beginning To Like This Game.
Do you remember it? It’s the game where I show you some really strange picture and ask if you know what it is, and you don’t. Here you go. Oh. Dear. God. I’m guessing that the majority of you immediately had (mostly) unwelcome thoughts of green face-pubes, then took a deep breath…
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YOUR DIRTY LITTLE SECRET
How many of you know what your star sign is? I’m betting it’s pretty much all of you, and I’m further willing to bet that a significant majority of you regularly check your horoscopes in some form or another. The problem is that astrologers are very good at what they…
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If You Can’t Keep Track Of Your Toys, We’re Not Going To Get You Any More
Hello, DARPA. Yes I know you have the coolest job ever, but tape your boner to your leg for a moment and listen. You’re probably pretty psyched, it’s been a good year already for you. You got to launch this thing: Super cool. The X-37B is a 30-foot mini-shuttle that can…
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UNREASONABLY DANGEROUS ONION RINGS 