FACEBOOK: ENEMY OF JESUS

This is the Reverend Cedric Miller.

He is one of the leaders of the Living Word Christian Fellowship, and he hates Facebook.  So much, in fact that he’s telling all the other church leaders to cancel their Facebook accounts or resign from the church.
Why?  Because it promotes marital infidelity.
You see, Cedric provides marriage counseling as part of his duties as a pastor, and apparently Facebook is a serious problem.  He says that out of the 1,100 members of his church, a full twenty have come to him with Facebook-related problems.

Wait…isn’t that like two percent?

Here’s Cedric’s explanation.

What happens is someone from yesterday surfaces, it leads to conversations and there have been physical meet-ups. The temptation is just too great.
Clearly I’m doing something wrong with this whole Facebook thing.  I’ve met every one of my Facebook friends in person, and do you have any idea how many of them I’ve not had sex with?  Hundreds.

Seriously. Hundreds.

In fact, if you count up all the times I’ve had *gasp* “physical meet-ups” with a human being, that number is in the thousands.  A staggering portion of the people I’ve met have not seen my penis.

And that’s because Cedric is full of shit.  Infidelity is not caused by seeing other people, and it’s certainly not caused by seeing pictures of their new baby on Facebook (if someone has a picture of their baby as their profile picture, it’s because they got fat).  It is caused by a lack of willpower.  Everyone wants sex, and sometimes the opportunity presents itself to actually have sex.  Whether you do or not depends on whether you both want to.  It can also depend on being sober enough to stand unassisted, but mostly the wanting thing.  So if you’re married, feel free to meet up with people from your past, whether you find them through Facebook or any other source.  And if you find yourself tempted to have sex with them, take a moment and don’t.  Just do something that is not sex.  Keep it in your pants.

And by that I do not mean that she can wear your pants while you put it in her.

Besides, if the logic here is that the temptation at a physical meet-up is too great, then what does Facebook have to do with it?  If anything, he should be encouraging Facebook use as a non-physical alternative to all the sex you’d definitely be having if you saw them in person.  Release the tension with a little innocent flirtatious chatting, or even molesting yourself to their old college photos.  That has to be better than actual adultery (although not according to the Bible).  If physical meet-ups are the problem, I propose the following rules:
1. Don’t talk to members of the opposite sex other than your spouse.  Ever.
2. Don’t go outside; there be single people.
3. Don’t make friends with anyone.  Everyone knows that old friends always end up having sex.
And if you break any of the above rules,
4. Immediately and violently incapacitate your genitals.
Oh, and there’s one more reason that maybe you shouldn’t listen to Pastor Cedric.

“No Facebook. And bone other women.

I haven’t read the whole Bible (New Year’s resolution), but I’m pretty sure that’s frowned upon.

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