Basically, any dumbass with CAD software can throw together a concept of whatever deranged idea, and then I feel compelled to ruin it.
THE TESLA CYBERTRUCK LUNAR ROVER IS DUMB AS HELL
6 FOODS YOU’RE COOKING WRONG
I was poking around the internet, as one does, when I ran across an article entitled "Nine Ways You're Cooking Pasta Wrong." That seemed like a lot of ways to mess up a dish that's often prepared by broke bachelors, so I was intrigued. That led me to an article entitled "You Are Making Scrambled... Continue Reading →
THE CHRISTIAN COOPER SITUATION IS NOT THAT SIMPLE
With all the recent history of white people who apparently have a problem with black people existing near them, it's not a ridiculous leap in logic to assume that that's what happened here. But it's more complicated than that.
CHINA WANTS TO PUT A SOLAR FARM IN SPACE BECAUSE NONE OF THEM READ MY BLOG
Remember four years ago when I wrote a blog about how space-based solar power is a terrible idea and won't work? Now, Engadget is reporting that China wants to do exactly what I was talking about in that post, which will still not be possible for the same reasons and because of science.
ARE MILLENNIALS KILLING THE SUNDIAL INDUSTRY?
According to an article in The Telegraph, sundials are at risk of dying out. This will come as shocking news, no doubt, to anyone that thought sundials had already died out, which is everyone.
MEGHAN TRAINOR’S PR PEOPLE HAVE LOST THEIR MINDS
It's no secret on this blog that I'm not a fan of Meghan Trainor. She's supremely annoying at best and promoting unhealthy body image lessons at worst. But this new press release of hers is beyond the pale.
TOM BRADY IS A BEAUTIFUL IDIOT
Before I dive in, I want to get some things out of the way. First, Tom Brady is a beautiful man, or so I'm told. And you know what? I can see it. Look at him. He looks like he's paralyzed from the neck down, and Gisele just flopped him down on the couch, but... Continue Reading →
19 REASONS THIS “SURVIVAL” STORY SMELLS FISHY
Have you missed me? Trick question; I know you've missed me. Frankly, the main reason I haven't been writing is laziness. I make no bones about it. The second reason is that I got hit by a car in April and broke four bones in my hand, and the third is that I had a... Continue Reading →
WHY ARIAN FOSTER CAN’T FIGHT A WOLF
I know what you're thinking, and what you're thinking is, "What the fuck are you talking about? How did that even come into your head?" In my defense, he started it. For those out of the loop, that's former NFL running back Arian Foster — an incredibly athletic and powerful man, to be fair —... Continue Reading →
NO ONE CARES THAT YOU’RE SAD
It's over. The oath has been taken, the barrier fences will soon be broken down and put in storage, and the police will go back to their normal shifts. There are no more appeals, no more recounts, no more renegade electors who might swoop in at the 11th hour and change this whole thing. As... Continue Reading →
13 NEW RULES FOR AIR TRAVEL
In the last year, I have made ten trips that required air travel. I have flown something like 100,000 miles and spent roughly the entirety of my adult life in layovers. If I had kids, I would have forgotten what they looked like. I am registered to vote in The Sky because I spend more... Continue Reading →
COULD THIS BE THE WORLD’S FIRST NUCLEAR-POWERED AIRLINER? (NO.)
On January 5, 2011, I wrote the following: “Designer” is a dangerous term, because it usually means some crazy person with ridiculous ideas who then makes CAD drawings or actual mock-ups of his crazy ideas and yet, for some goddamn reason, I appear to be the only person to notice that said idea is crazy.... Continue Reading →
4 REASONS SOLAR ROADWAYS ARE FUCKING STUPID
The idea of solar roadways has been around for a while, and I haven't said anything about it because I thought it was self-evident how stupid it was. I was wrong. The Indiegogo page raised $2.2 million and recently, prototypes have been built, to much applause from the environmentally-minded. So now, instead of just being a... Continue Reading →
BATMAN V. SUPERMAN IS BAD. THIS IS NOT WHY.
Last week, I went to see Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice. It is not a good movie. The first two hours and fifteen minutes are a series of disjointed scenes, at least four or five dream sequences, total non-sequiturs, and forced conflicts. The movie is called Batman v Superman, but there's really no good... Continue Reading →
2 SUPER BOWL MYTHS THAT WON’T DIE
As you probably know, the Super Bowl is next week. This is the part where those of you that didn't know that scroll all the way to the bottom of this post to explain to me that you don't care about football, and how it's VERY IMPORTANT TO YOU that I know that you don't care about... Continue Reading →
