UNREASONABLY DANGEROUS ONION RINGS

  • THOUGHTS ON THANKSGIVING

    I am writing this post because I think it’s important and also because I am in my apartment alone and have literally no plans for Thanksgiving.  I’ll probably have a traditional meal of…eggs. So, let’s talk about the theme of Thanksgiving.  Giving thanks.  But here’s the thing: who do you…

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  • SIX ASTOUNDINGLY TERRIBLE PEOPLE

    1. Urine, Donuts, and Fellatio This is Shantell Ishem. She’s 27 and she’s from Oklahoma.  She stole a donut from a car.  Now when I get a donut, I know the first thing I want to do is pee in a parking lot, which is exactly what Shantell did.  We…

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  • MORE USELESS ACCESSORIES FOR USELESS CREATURES

    I have written about tiny dogs and dog products before.  Here’s an example, and another one, and what the hell another one too.  I am of the very firm opinion that tiny lap dogs are a race of creature that should not exist (and would not, if not for human…

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  • CHINA ATTACKS ITSELF. KIND OF. ACCIDENTALLY.

    So China, since they have tons of money (and all of our money too), has decided that they want to go to the moon.  With people.  In order to do that, they need to find a place to land on the moon, and rather than map it with super high-powered…

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  • PARENTAL ADVICE FROM SOMEONE WHO DOESN’T HAVE KIDS

    We all know that when someone is entering into a complicated and difficult situation, the advice that they appreciate most is that which comes from people who have never been in that situation.  Try telling a woman with three kids that childbirth couldn’t possibly be worse than the papercut you…

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  • THE MOST AWESOME SINGLE BUTTON IN THE HISTORY OF BUTTONS

    Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and have we got a treat for you.  I’m going to set this up in my usual disconnected fashion, so deal with it.  After this, I promise not to talk about cars for a while. This is a Panavia Tornado.

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  • RELIGION IS LIKE A PENIS; FORCING IT UPON OTHER PEOPLE’S CHILDREN IS FROWNED UPON

    There is one reason and one reason only that I am writing this particular post, and that reason once dabbled in witchcraft.  Not knowing who I’m talking about at this point is sort of on par with not knowing whether the Earth is larger than the Sun, but then again…

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  • APPROXIMATELY AS USEFUL AS…WELL, A PEDAL-POWERED SUBMARINE.

    French people are crazy, right?  Right. So when I heard that some French engineers had designed a pedal-powered submarine, I had to check that shit out.  Here it is.

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  • I MIGHT ALIENATE SOME FANS WITH THIS…

    I’m going to make a statement that many of you may find controversial, but SCREW YOU GUYS, I AM THE VOICE…OF A GENERATION, AND—sorry, I got a little Kanye there.  My point is that I have never shied away from saying things that a large number of people disagree with.…

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