EQUAL OPPORTUNITY BADASS

I have written twice about human beings taking on large animals and winning (here and here) and both times the subject of my cautious but adoring admiration has been a man.  Now it’s time to even things out.

“Sorry, I’m having trouble holding my arm up with all this awesome I’m carrying.”

That is Rachel Cohen, and she’s from Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania.  One day in September, she was out for a walk with her friend when a fox came tearing out of nowhere, knocked her down, and tore a chunk out of her jeans.  Then it turned around and charged again.  At this point, Rachel curled up, weeping, and waited to die.

Wait hold on, that’s not right.

Oh now I remember.  See when I said she assumed the fetal position and begged for death, what I was trying to say was that she grabbed the fox by the throat and choked the everloving shit out of it.  Apparently it still wouldn’t die, so she had to go ahead and beat its head on a tree, and then when that failed she put a bag over its head and watched it fade to black.

Oh and also Rachel’s 61 years old.  And the fox had rabies.

Rachel said she was shaken after the attack, but she’s OK.  And when the story was written, she was in good spirits, offering possibly the best soundbite ever to come from a 61-year-old woman:

“I want that fox’s pelt,” she said. “I think I deserve it.”

You’re fucking right you do.

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