Tag Archives: design concept


On January 5, 2011, I wrote the following:

“Designer” is a dangerous term, because it usually means some crazy person with ridiculous ideas who then makes CAD drawings or actual mock-ups of his crazy ideas and yet, for some goddamn reason, I appear to be the only person to notice that said idea is crazy.

That was 65 months ago, and it still holds true. “Designers” with no actual science knowledge or reality filter of any kind are the bread and butter of this blog, whether it’s a transparent toaster or a whole bunch of bullshit cooking tools or a pedal-powered submarine or magnetic roads or a rocket that doesn’t exist or a redesigned bicycle or concept cars or a fridge that tramples every law of physics it comes across like a hormonal bull in a sexy china shop. And that’s like a third of the total posts under my “design” category.

But people take these seriously. People write newspaper articles breathlessly extolling the virtues of a moon elevator or solar panels in space or a rocket that will take us to Alpha Centauri, powered only by kale, even though the crackpot that thought it up has no qualifications other than being able to make pretty 3D renderings on his computer.

And that brings us to this.


There’s an old adage that any headline that ends in a question mark can be answered with a “no.” That’s not going to change here. Let’s dive in.

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The idea of solar roadways has been around for a while, and I haven’t said anything about it because I thought it was self-evident how stupid it was. I was wrong. The Indiegogo page raised $2.2 million and recently, prototypes have been built, to much applause from the environmentally-minded. So now, instead of just being a moronic idea, this is a moronic idea that a lot of people are giving a lot of money to. And since I am sick and tired of the collective societal delusion surrounding this FLAMING GARBAGE PILE OF AN IDEA, I’ve decided to point out the myriad flaws with it.

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UPDATE: I came back in this morning and elaborated.  I was being pretty lazy with explaining the math when I wrote this, but I’ve expanded it a bit.

This is where I find a thing on Kickstarter that someone is raising money for, then I point out that it won’t work, then hundreds and thousands of people lose their money because no one listens to me anyway.  Fuck ’em, it’s their own fault.  Maybe they should become better at thinking.

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A little over 18 months ago, this baffling object popped up on Memebase, well known for contributing nothing of value to the Internet ever.


The caption that they gave for this is “How is this not on shelves?! Toast-making would be epic.”

Let’s ignore the crushing sadness that fills my heart at the idea that someone might think that toast-making — the act of slowly heating a piece of bread until it’s hotter and drier and browner than it previously was — could ever be described as “epic” and focus on that first sentence.  How is this not on shelves?  Well, because it doesn’t exist.  Memebase doesn’t seem to have picked up on this, but hope is not lost.

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Hey there!  You know how, each morning, you have a cup of hot coffee and then mess around on your phone, reading Facebook updates or whatever?

And you know how, every time you do that, you wish that your phone was simultaneously being charged and that your coffee was getting cold faster?

No?  What’s that?  You’re saying that your phone is already charged because it’s morning, and that you’d like your coffee to stay warm longer?  WELL THEN DO WE HAVE THE PRODUCT (not) FOR YOU!  This is called the onEPuck, made by Epiphany, because names are hard.

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