This is Mark Eskelsen.
He is homeless.
One day, Mark broke into a suburban home in Portland, Oregon and jumped in their hot tub.
Then, Mark pulled out his cell phone and called 911.
He told the dispatcher that he was the sheriff of Washington County, and that he needed medical assistance.
When he failed to properly identify himself with a badge number or emergency codes or his name or any of the other pesky things that law enforcement officers use to identify themselves, the dispatcher refused to help him. Shouting ensued.
Finally, Mark broke down. He told the dispatcher that he wasn’t really the sheriff, he didn’t need medical assistance, and in fact the real problem was that he’d been in the hot tub for ten hours and his towels had gotten wet. All he really wanted, he said, was “a hug and a cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows in it.
Instead, he was arrested for second-degree criminal trespass and improper use of 911. By Denise Milani.
Moral of the story? Don’t get your towel wet.
Unreasonably Dangerous Onion Rings 
I'll remember that lesson, seeing as I'm also a jedi… but not homeless or near a hot tub…still a useful bit of advice.