“After years of research and development, we were ready to build this unique vehicle”
– Anders Lynge, designer
“Innovative thinking and quality craftsmanship . . . guaranteed to give you an exceptional driving experience”
It has double-wishbone suspension. It has hydraulic brakes. It has a drivetrain from the same people that make Ducati’s. It has a frame made by the supplier to Aston Martin and Jaguar. And it rolls out of the same factory as the Porsche Cayman and Boxster.
Oh, but the features don’t stop there. It has a fridge. It has a choice of colors for its leather seats (and racing seats are an option too). It has a choice of wheels in gunmetal grey or chrome. It has staggeringly irritating background music on the configurator site. It has a heated windshield. It has a number of personalized decals in assorted colors. And all this can be had for a mere $52,000.
By now, you probably want to see a picture of this beauty, don’t you? Well, wait no longer.
|Seriously, Frank, the ball’s right there. Pick out a goddamn club and start swinging.|
Yes, that’s right. For the price of one of these:
|Sexy sexy beast.|
you can instead have one of these:
Only with a fridge and other features exponentially more likely to get you whacked in the dick with a golf club. Seriously, if you show up at any course in the world with a golf cart that cost more than some townhouses, you can legally be killed with sticks. I looked it up.
And what the fuck were they spending years of research and development on? It’s a goddamn golf cart. It doesn’t need to be a marvel of engineering, it just has to be able to drive two middle-aged, crushingly boring rich people a distance of about three miles in under, say, six hours. The shade is nice. The fridge is nice. But beyond that, you’re just giving the assface in the red polo shirt a George Clooney complex as he leans on his clubs, not playing golf. Doesn’t he know that George Clooney would never lean on a vehicle that embarrassing?
|Damn it George, work with me here.|
Here’s my dream scenario: Not a single one of these is sold, and the company goes out of business, and the executives lose all their money, and they have to sell their Mercedes and their BMWs and their Porches, and the only things they have left in the world are the showroom models of these golf carts, which they can’t sell because they were the brainchild of a retarded toddler who was given caffeine and a photo of a golf cart and put in front of CAD software and left alone for several hours, and they have to drive those around instead, and they are killed with sticks.
It’s a lovely image.