Nazis On The Moon

Not even joking.  An online tabloid called Truth Today says they have gotten hold of leaked images of a swastika on the moon.  I’ll take you through each and every (completely imbecilic) point made in the article.  Here’s the image in question.

The file name is cassiopeia_moon_swastika.jpg, which is just precious.

Photographs leaked to the Internet last week taken by the Cassiopeia probe on the so-called dark side of the Moon have stirred up considerable controversy among both astronomers and conspiracy theorists.

First, there is no Cassiopeia probe anywhere, let alone on the dark side of the moon.  Secondly, there is no dark side of the moon.  The moon rotates every 27 days, just as Earth rotates every 24 hours, so no side of it is any darker than the rest.  It just happens to rotate at about the same rate at which it revolves around the earth, so we only ever see one side of it.  Also, if it was the “dark side” in the conventional understanding of what people think that means, why is it in the sun in the photos?  And thirdly, it has not stirred up one damn bit of controversy.  Conspiracy theorists love pouncing on crap like this just as much as they love anything else, and astronomers know that it’s horseshit and don’t care.

The photos reveal a structure in the Schroedinger crater near the southern lunar polar region; official sources have failed to provide an explanation for it. Scientists are baffled by the discovery, and numerous UFO and conspiracy researchers have interpreted it to prove the existence of extraterrestrial intelligence.

Point number four: it’s not in the Schrodinger Crater.  Here’s the actual Schrodinger Crater.

Not pictured: Nazis

Now I know that photos are notoriously unreliable, and why should you trust that one any more than the first—what?  What’s that you say?  Oh, that’s from NASA?  Umm . . . I see.   Thank you.

Point five: the official explanation is that you photoshopped it to get attention.  Scientists are not baffled. There is no such thing as a “conspiracy researcher,” and UFO researchers (which are real) search for Unidentified Flying Objects.  Since the object in question (the moon) has been quite decidedly identified (hint: it’s the fucking moon), their opinions are irrelevant.

The photographs in question are indistinct, due in part to the orbital distance of the probe and interference from ionised moon dust hanging in clouds above the crater floor, but a regular shape can be discerned in them. . . . This is not the first time that regular objects have been visible on pictures taken in space. Indeed, parallels have already been drawn to the infamous face and pyramids found in the Cydonia region of Mars. Astronomers disagree, however, whether the Lunar Swastika is an actual structure or an optical illusion.

Oh my god.  Point seven: current photos of the moon are high-resolution enough to see individual footprints, let alone a building.  Point eight: there is absolutely no such thing as ionised moon dust clouds or anything like it, and astronomers do not disagree.  This thing is absolutely fake, the photo is fake, and you made it up.  The face on Mars is real, but a trick of the light, the pyramids are equally fake.  Case closed.

The internationally famous UFO researcher Martin Krauss disagrees [with the theory that it’s from Nazis]. “It is a sign from Alfa Centaurians who brought life to Earth four million years ago,” he said, “which they left on the Moon to remind us of their visit.”

This man, if he is a real person (UPDATE: he’s not), is clearly insane and should wear a helmet at all times and be kept away from sharp objects.

Martin Krauss.

In an official NASA announcement, NASA spokesperson Roslyn Villacorta stated that the alleged observations were due to a signal disturbance resulting from a weather balloon aligned between the satellite Cassiopeia and the groundside receiver.

That flat-out didn’t happen.  Oh, and Roslyn Villacorta?  Also not real.
The Romanian scientist Radovan Tomovici, who has studied conspiracy theories for decades, disagrees. “For over 70 years, it has been common knowledge that the Nazis had a research programme overseen by Hans Kammler during the war, with the goal of conquest and control of orbital space,” he says. “It seems that Kammler, who mysteriously vanished shortly before the end of the war, and his team were successful. We’re in trouble now,” Tomovici adds.
Tomovici is, shockingly, not real.  The Nazis did not have a space program, and even if they did, they’re all dead now, so who fucking cares?
Kammler, surprisingly, is a real person.  Or was.  So the only actual person in this story is the one who can’t be called to confirm.  What are the chances?
Pictured: a dead guy.
That was fun.

3 Thoughts

  1. I'm pretty sure, in the light of retrospection, this photo was a plant advertisement for the movie Iron Skies, which was in production. The premise is Nazis have a (swastika-shaped) colony on the moon founded at the end of WWII and return to the Earth in the present to found a Fourth Reich. It's a dark comedy, don't worry.

  2. Ya look at that building. Its the exact same thing as that swastika building in the Iron Sky trailers. Complete with the dome. This is completely fake, or an ad for Iron Sky.

  3. I think it is very close minded of you to not even consider the possibility of life on the moon. Do I believe 100% of a story I read or see on the internet? Hell no. I'm not stupid. But I possess what is called “critical thinking skills” which allow me to differentiate between the possible, the probable, and total bullshit. I'm all too aware of the fact that our government and big business do all they can to suppress information from us. So when hear of an unbelievable story I do all I can to verify certain underlying facts and separate the BS.
    For example, the NAZI base thing; I don't know where you copy and pasted your news script from but the story I read was that it was found NEAR the Schrodinger crater. Now, the Schrodinger crater is as big as a Iowa; It's a major landmark–you can see it from space so they're using it as a reference point, you see. Taking that into account, the so called NAZI base, which is near by, must be quite a bit smaller. I'm more likely to believe in the possibility of a moon colony the size of a small city than one the size of a state.
    I too hate stupid people and irrationality as much as you so it's up to reasonable people like us to use our brains to reason things out. Just as it's stupid to believe everything you see, read, or hear, it's just as ignorant to dismiss everything as a hoax. Do you see what I'm saying?

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