Nazis On The Moon

Not even joking.  An online tabloid called Truth Today says they have gotten hold of leaked images of a swastika on the moon.  I’ll take you through each and every (completely imbecilic) point made in the article.  Here’s the image in question.

The file name is cassiopeia_moon_swastika.jpg, which is just precious.

Photographs leaked to the Internet last week taken by the Cassiopeia probe on the so-called dark side of the Moon have stirred up considerable controversy among both astronomers and conspiracy theorists.

First, there is no Cassiopeia probe anywhere, let alone on the dark side of the moon.  Secondly, there is no dark side of the moon.  The moon rotates every 27 days, just as Earth rotates every 24 hours, so no side of it is any darker than the rest.  It just happens to rotate at about the same rate at which it revolves around the earth, so we only ever see one side of it.  Also, if it was the “dark side” in the conventional understanding of what people think that means, why is it in the sun in the photos?  And thirdly, it has not stirred up one damn bit of controversy.  Conspiracy theorists love pouncing on crap like this just as much as they love anything else, and astronomers know that it’s horseshit and don’t care.

The photos reveal a structure in the Schroedinger crater near the southern lunar polar region; official sources have failed to provide an explanation for it. Scientists are baffled by the discovery, and numerous UFO and conspiracy researchers have interpreted it to prove the existence of extraterrestrial intelligence.

Point number four: it’s not in the Schrodinger Crater.  Here’s the actual Schrodinger Crater.

Not pictured: Nazis

Now I know that photos are notoriously unreliable, and why should you trust that one any more than the first—what?  What’s that you say?  Oh, that’s from NASA?  Umm . . . I see.   Thank you.

Point five: the official explanation is that you photoshopped it to get attention.  Scientists are not baffled. There is no such thing as a “conspiracy researcher,” and UFO researchers (which are real) search for Unidentified Flying Objects.  Since the object in question (the moon) has been quite decidedly identified (hint: it’s the fucking moon), their opinions are irrelevant.

The photographs in question are indistinct, due in part to the orbital distance of the probe and interference from ionised moon dust hanging in clouds above the crater floor, but a regular shape can be discerned in them. . . . This is not the first time that regular objects have been visible on pictures taken in space. Indeed, parallels have already been drawn to the infamous face and pyramids found in the Cydonia region of Mars. Astronomers disagree, however, whether the Lunar Swastika is an actual structure or an optical illusion.

Oh my god.  Point seven: current photos of the moon are high-resolution enough to see individual footprints, let alone a building.  Point eight: there is absolutely no such thing as ionised moon dust clouds or anything like it, and astronomers do not disagree.  This thing is absolutely fake, the photo is fake, and you made it up.  The face on Mars is real, but a trick of the light, the pyramids are equally fake.  Case closed.

The internationally famous UFO researcher Martin Krauss disagrees [with the theory that it’s from Nazis]. “It is a sign from Alfa Centaurians who brought life to Earth four million years ago,” he said, “which they left on the Moon to remind us of their visit.”

This man, if he is a real person (UPDATE: he’s not), is clearly insane and should wear a helmet at all times and be kept away from sharp objects.

Martin Krauss.

In an official NASA announcement, NASA spokesperson Roslyn Villacorta stated that the alleged observations were due to a signal disturbance resulting from a weather balloon aligned between the satellite Cassiopeia and the groundside receiver.

Pictured: a dead guy.