These just keep piling up, so I’m lumping them into one post.
Our first contestant is Jesse Cox, a 27-year-old man from Michigan. Jesse was married once before, and it kinda sounds like he and his wife didn’t end on the best of terms.
One day, Jesse got a wild hair up his ass and headed over to the ex’s house. She wouldn’t let him in.
|Because he’s an ugly motherfucker.|
Now, Jesse didn’t take too kindly to women who didn’t take too kindly to him, so he broke the door down and went in anyway. The ex called the cops, who showed up and asked him to come outside. Jesse was disinclined to aquiesce to their request.
|Just as ugly, but more articulate and has a monkey. Win.|
|Also an ugly mother. Except actually a mother.|
Child care experts recommend “not tossing” among activities to do with your child, so Crystal’s not doing too great right off the bat. That said, it’s illegal to repossess an occupied vehicle in Texas, so the repo guy had no choice but to put it in park and got out. The situation then got a whole lot more white trash when her associate, 15-year-old Jessie Reyna (no idea who this kid is or why he’s there, by the way), came out with a goddamn shotgun and shot the repo man in the leg. He got away with minor injuries and the car, and the other two are being charged with lots of unfortunate things.
The final exemplary human on this list goes by the name of Harry Weisiger. Let’s take it from the top. Mark Duren is a normal man with a daughter and a Toyota Camry. He was driving said daughter home from school in said car when Harry Weisiger pulled up next to him, pointed to the back of the Camry, and flipped him off.
|Why are all these people so ugly?|
Why was he flipping off such a nice man? Because Mark Duren had the misfortune of not being a neo-conservative wackjob, and as such had an Obama-Biden ’08 sticker on the back of his beigemobile. Weisiger apparently is that special kind of crazy person who can be consumed with unreasonable, blinding anger over an adhesive vinyl representation of someone’s political affiliations, so rather than confine himself to mere verbal abuse, he waited until the next stop sign, honked a whole darn bunch, and then decided to physically ram Duren with his SUV, smashing in the bumper.
|What was probably on the car.|
|What Weisiger apparently saw.|
Duren slowed down to deal with it, and Weisiger hit him again. After getting his bumper all jacked up, Duren continued to be a non-insane person and decided to pull over and get out to address the damage, at which point Weisiger rammed his car up over the curb with his SUV.
Eventually the cops showed up, and Weisiger has been charged with felony reckless endangerment and also being a douchetastic penisface.
That’s all I’ve got for right now, but rest assured, there are a lot of penisfaces in the world. I will find more, and your hunger for idiocy will be satisfied.