Nature Wins Again

This is a lion.


It weighs almost 600 pounds, has huge pointy teeth (see above), and is generally accepted to be really, really, holy-crap-run-it’s-a-fucking-lion-and-also-I-just-peed-myself-in-an-uncontrollable-manner scary. If it’s hungry enough or you make it mad, it will eat your face off and then wash it down with the rest of you, and then clean itself lazily in the sun just to be mean.

A while ago, Yang Sihamoni, the president of the Cambodian Midget Fighting League put out some new advertising that said that his league of 42 fighting midgets could “take on anything; man, beast, or machine.”

For some reason, this was more popular than the league of fighting midgets.

Upon hearing such a bold and totally-normal-for-the-world-of-fight-advertising statement, the public protested. Eventually an undisclosed fan challenged Sihamoni that a single lion could take down his entire league, a challenge that he readily accepted.

The lion was shipped in.

The date was set.

Tickets sold out three weeks in advance. The Cambodian government agreed to allow it as long as they got half the ticket money, and no cameras were allowed in.

So what happened? Exactly what anyone in their right mind, including all the fighters that willingly participated in this event, should have predicted. After 12 minutes—and I cannot for the life of me figure out why they let it go so long—the lion had killed 28 of the fighters. 14 had broken bones, missing limbs, and other incapacitating injuries that prevented them from fighting back, so the fight was called. Now, the mathematically inclined among you may notice that 28+14=42, which is all of them. That’s right. Every single member of the CMFL is now either dead or cripplingly injured for life, all because of one lion who, as far as I can gather, is totally fine.

This is exactly how I picture the lion’s face right now.

Apparently, before the fight, Sihamoni issued a statement that since his fighters outnumbered the lion 42 to 1, they could “out-wit and out-muscle” it.

No. Incorrect. Nature wins.

UPDATE: turns out this story is fake. This makes me sad, but hey, you stay entertained.

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