I Know We’re Not Supposed To Stereotype, But Come On…

Just a quick story.

WARNING: this post contains a very NSFW photo with all the dirty bits covered by a giant black rectangle. If you’re offended by the images that your own imagination will provide in substitution for that rectangle, read no further. If I get complaints about it, I will ignore them. I warned you.

A while back, it was reported that a Chinese company called Sichuan Tengzhong Heavy Industrial Machinery Company Ltd. was going to buy the brand Hummer from GM for a paltry $160 million.

American craftsmanship at work. USA! USA! USA!

Anyway, it turns out that such a deal has to be approved by the Chinese government, and today news has surfaced that the boys upstairs in Beijing may not approve the deal. Why? Because China is trying to put emphasis on “smaller, more fuel-efficient vehicles.”

The only words that apply here are “more” and “fuel.”

Apparently (and it took the Chinese Government 8 months to figure this out), Hummers aren’t any of those things, so they may be scrapping the deal. In a desperate attempt to keep it alive, Sichuan Tengzhong (which has never manufactured a passenger car before ever) is attempting to convince the feds that they’re going to make “a more environmentally friendly Hummer.”

No. Not that kind.

A more environmentally friendly Hummer, eh? The H2 weighs 8,600 fucking pounds. Good luck with that.

UPDATE: It didn’t work. The deal fell through and Hummer is officially gone forever. This means that GM now owns 8 brands (Buick, Cadillac, GMC, Chevy, Opel, Vauxhall, Holden, Daewoo), has shut down 5 (Geo, Oldsmobile, Hummer, Saturn, Pontiac) and sold 2 (Lotus, Saab). Actually, in the company’s lifetime, they’ve shut down 31 brands and sold 3, but you wouldn’t have heard of any of them. Compare that 8-31-3 record to Ford’s 4-2-4 and you start to think starting a new brand of pathetic, poorly built, boring cars every goddamn year isn’t such a good idea. Plus Ford, at one time, owned Aston Martin, Jaguar, Land Rover, and Mazda, whereas GM used to own brands like Frigidaire and Samson Tractor. Take a fucking lesson from Ford.

3 thoughts on “I Know We’re Not Supposed To Stereotype, But Come On…

  1. Anonymous2.0 says:

    The more environmentally friendly version will be run by a small nuclear reactor. Since apparently the fact that it has no carbon emissions makes it an environmentally concious fuel.

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