Life is More Interesting Down Under

From now on, I’m going to try to post once a week. I think it’ll be easier to keep them regular if I have a schedule. So keep your eyes peeled every Monday.

Anyway. Today’s tidbit is a little bit stupid, but more of a WTF kind of story. And yes, that picture is more relevant than you think. The back story here starts with crop circles. There are several hilarious UFO-based crop circle theories, including such compelling anecdotal evidence as the following quote from Kaye Studstrup, who lives in Utah and went to visit a crop circle that had showed up nearby.

“A lot of grain had been really trampled,” says Kaye, “but it was just amazing to see, and I told my husband that I was going to sit down in the center of one of the circles.”

Kaye says it was very quiet, and then she heard this sound. “It was like someone letting the air out of the tire of a car. It was very high-pitched and very fast sounding… While we were there, I had the strangest feeling that someone was watching us, and I do not mean the farmers. There was no one around but my husband and myself.”

Amazing, eh? She sits in the middle of a field of grain and hears a noise like air moving. It must be an alien. Hey now, you say, it’s not just the air moving and the fact that it was quiet, she also had a feeling. Now that’s freaky. Ignoring the fact that people have the “being watched” feeling all the goddamn time, the fact that she didn’t go back to the site until weeks after the circle showed up is not exactly helping her case. Apparently she thinks that aliens have nothing at all to do except make circles in grass and wait around, like, forever to see if anyone gets feelings. OH BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE! SHE AKSHULLY TOOK A PHOTO ZOMG!!! Wanna see it? You bet your ass you do. Brace yourselves.

Pictured: approximately zero seconds of effort in Photoshop.

Do you even believe what you are even seeing? That is clear evidence of a massively sophisticated (also bored) extraterrestrial spacecraft if I ever saw it! Of course, it didn’t show up on the photo until it was developed, and the negative was lost, rendering Kaye “very upset”, so we’ll never be able to prove for sure that it’s just a SPECK OF CRAP ON THE FILM FROM DEVELOPING, but anyway, there you have it. And that brings us to our feature presentation, which takes place in that universal epicenter of crazy shit happening, Australia.

Tasmania specifically, which might be even crazier. For example, it’s home to the Tasmanian Devil, the animal with the third strongest jaws in the world, after great white sharks and hyenas. Not strongest by body weight, strongest period. They’ve been known to chew up cast iron frying pans just because they still had the smell of bacon grease on them. Tasmania is also home to lots of poppy fields, since Australia produces 50% of the legal opium in the world, mainly for making morphine. Anyway, crop circles started showing up in the night in the poppy fields and immediately, people started blaming UFOs and examining the circles for UFO evidence. Then someone had the brilliant idea of putting a camera out there. What they found is honestly a lot cooler than if it was UFOs. Apparently wallabies (like mini-kangaroos) are getting into the fields, eating the poppy heads, getting stoned as fuck, and hopping around in circles until they pass out.

Look at those eyes. Blazed out of his mind.

Which is fucking awesome. The best part is that the drug part is basically a very weak form of heroin, so it’s addictive, so we can expect more of this to come. I’m extraordinarily excited.