So since I didn’t post yesterday due to some babysitting obligations, I shall post twice today. This one is what I shall henceforth call an Antistupid post. Antistupid posts will be about things I find that are so brilliant that they need to be pointed out. Shining beacons of light in the dark clouds of unspeakable doltishness that enshroud us. Here’s example number one.
Now, lazy people and stupid people are entirely different things. I do not hate lazy people with the same zeal as that with which I hate stupid people. I am, in fact, a loyal fan of laziness when it takes the form of efficiency, which is why I own a laundry bag so big that I only have to wash my clothes once a month. The kind of laziness I cannot tolerate is that which inconveniences others, which is the focus of this particular Antistupid.
Apparently the city council of Colorado Springs has decided to enact a new fine on Pikes Peak. The peak, which stands at 14,115 feet, sees some 15,000 hikers a year and some of them, after hiking up, are too lazy to hike back down. So they call 911. Emergency services can’t leave anyone up there in case they get hypothermia, so they have to send someone to pick them up. They do it in winter too, except the road is usually closed, so they have to bring plows up to clear the road. Now, however, Colorado Springs is sick of this shit. Now, uninjured hikers will be charged a minimum of $100 if they call 911 to get them down, more if it’s winter or outside park hours. The greatest part is that the fee was approved unanimously and without debate. If there are any lazy hikers reading this: take note. There’s a reason Colorado has the lowest obesity rates in the country. We’re not going to judge you for your lifestyle of Twinkies and deep-fried cheese balls, but we will be goddamned if we’re going to pay for it, you lazy piece of shit.