The Porsche Watch

Everyone knows who Porsche is. They’ve been making luxury cars since forever and are known for being the only luxury brand that people who don’t know cars can name and for having the laziest design department in the known universe. Need an example? This first picture is the most basic 911 you can buy. It has 345 horsepower, 288 pound-feet of torque, rear-wheel drive, and costs $76,000.

The second one is the 911 GT2. It has 480 horsepower, 460 pound-feet of torque, four wheel drive, and costs $194,000. The more astute readers among you will notice that they look exactly the fucking same.

What a lot of people don’t know is that there is a separate department called Porsche Design that designs hard drives and kitchens and pens and, in this case, watches. The Porsche Design people have recently released a watch called the Porsche Design Indicator P 6910.

Why it should be cool:
Well, it’s made by Porsche people, which is kind of cool, and the wristband looks like a racing slick, and it’s got some really cool technology where it’s an analog watch that’s powered by digital vibrations of something tiny and German and I don’t really care. It looks cool, it’s associated with Porsche, it’s elitist and fancy, and it’s got lots of unlabeled little sub-dials that do fuck-all. Cool, right?

Why it’s not cool:
The price. This zenith of Teutonic excellence in engineering costs $150,000. Now, Porsche makes 22 different models of car (in 3 different shapes) and only one of them costs more than that. So what Porsche is saying is that they want you, their loyal patron who has just come into a post-bailout bonus, to buy a watch instead of another fine specimen of free publicity to drive around in. A watch that costs 5 grand would make sense, maybe even 25. But if you have the money to buy this watch, you’re going to buy another fucking car. Forget a Porsche, too. Get an Aston Martin DB9. Or a Mercedes SL65 Black Series. Or a BMW M5. Or two Nissan GTRs. Or 10 VW Rabbits. Not a damn watch, even if it does have oscillating bits.

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