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THREE REASONS THIS ROCKET WON’T SEND US TO MARS
Ever been to the website Elite Daily? If you haven’t, don’t bother. Home of such journalistic masterpieces as “Zayn Malik Isn’t Worried About Leaving One Direction Because His Fiance Is Hot As F*ck” and “Man Given 18 Months To Live Says Cannabis Oil Cured His Cancer,” it’s a long-running stream…
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WHY I AM NOT ALL ABOUT “ALL ABOUT THAT BASS”
First things first: I know this song came out a long time ago. I’d love to tell you that the reason I have taken this long to address it is that I wanted to be very careful and deliberate about how I broke down exactly what is wrong with the…
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SPACE-BASED SOLAR POWER: DON’T GET TOO EXCITED
This has come up before and never gotten a ton of mainstream attention, but I saw it again and thought I’d address it.
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WHY CATS KICK THEMSELVES IN THE FACE
I have long held a theory about cats: for all their potential for grace, power, stealth, and general elegance, they sometimes genuinely do not have any control over their own bodies. Case in point:
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APPARENTLY SOME PEOPLE AREN’T FAT ENOUGH
QUICK NOTE: I wrote the bulk of this post almost a year ago, but it got lost in the shuffle and I didn’t finish it until just now. I realize the news item in question is long gone, but the points still stand. Recently, American Eagle made some headlines by announcing…
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YOU ARE NOT A TETRACHROMAT, AND THIS GRAPHIC IS BULLSHIT
Recently there was a schism on the internet between people about the color of a dress. That led to all kinds of scientific articles about how we perceive color differently, memes about white and gold things and black and blue things, and finally, eventually, this.
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I WATCHED “VERTICAL LIMIT” (AGAIN) SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO
If you’ve never seen Vertical Limit, good for you. If you’ve never even heard of it, even better. It came out in 2000 and somehow made $215 million on a budget of just $75 million, despite being a train wreck of scarcely believable proportions. It is, without a doubt, the…
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CAROLE R. DAVIS NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
Doubtless there are some among you who are already mad at me for being so rude to this innocent woman in my title. First of all, it’s paraphrased from the atrocious article on which I based this post, and secondly, get over it. She deserves it. You’ll see.
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WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR…
Obviously the classic song ends that phrase with “your dreams come true.” Then, as I’m sure you’ve seen, some smartass decided to put a modern and more cynical spin on the phrase with some iteration of the following: Unfortunately, that smartass was also a dumbass. Here’s why.
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UNREASONABLY DANGEROUS ONION RINGS 